Does anyone else remember the time when vampires were old, sexy, cunning, and didn’t go to high school? When I was growing up, Anne Rice was the ultimate authority on vampires. In my mind, she still is. Which is why I’ve had difficulty accepting and enjoying the new additions to the vampire genre in the last few years.

Twilight I rejected immediately. Stephenie Meyer broke too many of the rules. The vampires can go outside… when its cloudy? And they go to high school? It seemed like Sweet Valley High with fangs, and I just couldn’t get excited about it. Some people have celebrated Twilight for breaking these conventions, but to me, having sparkly tweens running around on cloudy days just doesn’t seem right.

True Blood I was skeptical at first, then accepting. These vampires obey the rules that vampires should live by. They have to be invited in, they sleep in coffins, and they can’t go outside during the day. They have to find a balance between their powers and their limitations. True Blood’s characters are not only sexy, but they aren’t jail bait.

And then CW announces the debut of The Vampire Diaries. At first glance, The Vampire Diaries seemed to be a carbon copy of Twilight. (Its probably more the other way around, since The Vampire Diaries series were written years before Twilight). Brooding teenager vampire in high school with attractive human girl. The saving factor that attracted me to the series was the presence of Ian Somerhalder as Damon. Boone was my favorite character on LOST, and I was excited for his return to television. His presence also offers an older, sexier vampire character, so I thought hey, maybe this show has something for everyone- Paul Wesley (as Stefan) for the tweens, and Ian for those of us no longer in grade school. So I watched the first two episodes.

“Stephenie Meyer broke too many of the rules. The vampires can go outside… when its cloudy? And they go to high school? It seemed like Sweet Valley High with fangs…”

Nina Dobrev is beautiful as Elena Gilbert, an orphan living with a hip aunt and a rebellious younger brother, Jeremy. Elena is recently orphaned, in high school, and writes in her “dear diary” every day. First day of school and Stefan arrives as the new kid. His first act is to glamor the school councilor. So in this universe, the vampires can glamor people, but it’s also full daylight.

At this point I feel slightly enraged not only that Stefan is sauntering around in full daylight and that he is yet another vampire attempting to go to high school. I continue watching in the hopes that Ian Somerhalder will show up soon.

Nothing else that happens in the episode from that particularly surprises me. Alana writes in her diary in a graveyard, Stefan just happens to show up- and then disappear when Alana has a scratch that’s bleeding. Later, the blossoming couple bonds over the fact that they both write in their diaries. The rest of the characters are pretty cliche and have typical teen drama relationships and problems. Alana’s best friend Bonnie declares that she is a psychic, according to her grandmother. Elena has a cute ex-boyfriend, Matt, who is clearly not over her. Matt has a sister, Vicky, who Elena’s brother Jeremy is in love with. Jeremy storms around in a cloud of emo and pot smoke, as Elena tries to play the good big sis and look after him. Caroline, a forward blond who is clearly jealous of Elena will do anything to get any guy to notice her.

At last, Ian Somerhalder finally appears as Damon, Stefans estranged brother and enemy. Stefan, being the typical “good” vampire, has stopped drinking human blood and restricts his diet to animals. Damon, being the “bad” vampire, has no problem having Vicky as a late night snack. The brothers fight and talk about Katherine, a woman who looks startling like Elena, implying that she was an ex-girlfriend to the both of them, and that they are bound to repeat history with Elena. Near the end of the episode, its revealed that the vampires can go out during the day because of the special rings they are wearing. It’s a lame cop-out, but it’s a little easier to accept than “it’s cloudy”.

At the end of the first episode, I’m not feeling very positive towards this show. The parallels between Stefan and Elena seem forced through their mutual love of writing in their diaries. The music choices scream top 40. The vampire rules are barely being respected. Elena, while being a sympathetic character, is kind of boring.

The highlight of the second episode, besides Damon’s sex scene, is a when Damon quips to Stefan during a fight, “Not bad. Have you been eating bunnies?” But nothing else from that episode is memorable. It’s clear that The Vampire Diaries because a series to try and ride the coattails of Twilight. As cute as Ian Somerhalder is, his presence alone is not enough for me to keep watching. If you’re dying for more fanged teenage melodrama, then maybe this show is for you. As for me, I’m going to have to find something else to watch on Thursday nights.